Unless you're Kenny Chesney, the tropics and southern country folk just aren't a good mix. Oh sure, we pretend they are! We visit Galveston, Texas, take the ferry to Boliver Island, all the while dodging bird poo from the flying rats we call gulls! We may even make it to South Padre Island, but usually end up in jail...thankfully in the US.

It's not that we aren't familiar with water or leisure. We have our lakes and boating areas and they're all lovely places to enjoy the water, spend some leisure time drinking and fishing and tubing...and did I mention drinking? Quality family time is vital to us southerners, you know. Nothing says quality time like being too inebriated to hear your kids when they're screaming from a tube being pulled across a lake at 40 mph.

Yet the desire to feel the trade winds blow across our faces, to smell the fresh ocean breeze, and even know what it's like to have your chin busted open, requiring twelve stitches, after having been lifted by a wave and slammed into your newlywed's forehead...now that's what we live for! Did I mention the burning from the salt water, or the fact that, with blood everywhere, your newly betrothed could leave you in the surf because all she can think of is the motion picture "Jaws?"

Truth be told, landlubbers like us southern folk, if we choose to experience the tropics would prefer a cruise where food and intoxicating drinks flow abundantly. In fact, we prefer it with Dramamine and a margarita. Beats the heck out of a ceiling fan and a subscription to a travel magazine stolen from the orthodontist's office!